And so it goes, we do things that really work for us for a while, then we grow out of those things. That’s how I feel about this blog. It really worked for where I was at over a year ago, it was the right place to work out some ideas I’d been chewing on for years. Putting those things into the public sphere really liberated me from them and has allowed me to move forward. Although some projects here deliberately seek to subvert the division of personal and public space (and I don’t regret those projects) ultimately I’m over it. I’m thinking of the world very differently and want my new work, and the energy I deligate, to reflect that shift.
But, I want to acknowledge all of you who read and followed the blog while I was actively making it. I really appreciate all of the thoughtful comments, the support, and the friendships that were for forged out of talking about these things in a different way.
If you would like to keep up on other projects, you can visit williadrew.com
-goodness to you. ☺
Thursday, September 4, 2008
The End
Friday, May 30, 2008
Protect Same-Sex Marriage
Although I've always been one to question the institution of marriage in general and always figured LGBT people were to fabulous to want to subscribe to such patriarchal bondage, I have become clear over the last few years how important the right to marry is on a pragmatic level. (Check out the film If These Walls Could Talk 2) And over the last few weeks, I'm starting to understand the urge to settle on a more spiritual level. So I was totally excited to hear earlier this month, that same-sex couples had finally won the right to wed in California! (applause,hugs,champagne & party horns!) But, enough about me.. This much deserved civil-right may already be in jeopardy...
On May 15, 2008 the California Supreme Court overturned the ban on same-sex marriage, deeming the ban a violation of equal protection rights under the state constitution. The 4 to 3 decision made California the second state, behind Massachusetts, to allow full marriage rights for same-sex partners. Marriage licenses should be issued to same-sex couples starting June 17, 2008. [1] [2]
But the scope of the court's decision could be thrown into question by an initiative already heading toward the November ballot. The initiative would amend the state Constitution to prohibit same-sex unions. [3]
Anti-GLBT groups, emboldened by the decision, are now working to deny benefits to GLBT couples on both state and federal levels.[4]
Please take a moment to sign this Million for Marriage petition put out by the Human Rights Campaign.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Guerrilla Gardening
There is an amazing article on the Guerilla Gardening movement in the Los Angeles Times. For the last few years I've been fantasizing about planting a community garden in the front yard of the vacant house accross the street. I then moved on to thinking about helping people plant veggies in the little sidewalk patches of city-dirt on residential streets. I was waiting to be a better gardener. To not be loosing crops each season to aphids and mold problems. I'm still not there yet. But In the meanwhile, there are lots of people apparently living my dream such as Islands of LA, and Farm Lab. The times turned me on to these amazing blogs: Homegrown Revolution and The Guerilla Gardner. Maybe this summer's plans will include some evenings spent Gurrilla Gardening!! I think planting our own food is really important, especially with the rising costs and diminished taste of (even the organic) store purchased produce. When I really think about it, it scares me that we depend on mysterious sources for all of our food and water. We take for granted that 'they' will keep providing for us. Gardening is power. And its a great work out and meditation. And NOTHING tastes better than a veggie you grew yourself. Ohh...I better water my garden.
Monday, May 19, 2008
TOMMOROW...black eyes for everyone!
Kimberly Kane just invited me to apply black eyes at the Morphine release party this Tuesday night at the Beauty Bar. Those decked out with the best shiner qualify to win a prize!
Come Visit! Let me give you a black eye!
Beauty Bar
TUESDAY May 20th 9pm
1638 N. Cahuenga Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90028
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Retouch My Body
©2008 Austin Young & Jackie Beat
Jackie Beat sing's her version of Mariah Carey's 'Touch My Body' in a video by Austin Young.
I LOVE it! It's campy and poignant. Great work Austin & Jackie!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Honey Bunny
Margie Schnibbe (aka: Vena Virago)is having her first solo art exhibition in Los Angeles at CIRCUS GALLERY, Opening Reception: Saturday, May 17, 7 - 9PM
CIRCUS GALLERY
7065 Lexington Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90038
I met Margie through mutual friends at CalArts. I also did a short video bio on her work back in 2005. One of the first things i appreciated about Margie was that she was drawn to sex, sex-work and pornography through her academic interest in theoretical discouses on the subject as discussed by the likes of Nietzsche, Freud and Lacan.
Margie art directed all the pornographic films she's directed under the pseudonym Vena Virago. Her films are trademarked by her use of color and punk, and the on going question, "is feminist porn possible?"
She will be shooting her newest Adult feature in the gallery space in the weeks following the opening, continuing the dialog between art and pornography.
I'm excited to announce that she invited me to PA the film! It's awesome to be around sex positive fun, creative women! I can't wait to meet all the girls.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
The Worm
I love Austin Young's work, but I must confess, that his new series, The Worm has eluded me. I couldn't figure out how to access it and was somewhat repulsed by the worm itself (played by Nadya Ginsburg). It wasn't until I was laying under the covers the other night after a long sleepless painful night of breaking up, that the image of Austin & Nadia's Worm came to mind. Suddenly I felt like I understood it...but i wasn't sure, so I sent Austin a myspace message...
Willia:
is the worm about being broken hearted?
feeling totally out of control and primal?
im projecting.
Austin:
hah!
yes. totally.
yes yes!
it's about anger. pain.
it's like The Scream by Edvard Munch.
the scream of the pain of life.
but... it's also supposed to be funny.
laughing at this ....
maybe like your bruises?
Willia:
"M" and i broke up last night..
im totally brokenhearted, angry, confused, scared...
and feel like i cant breathe....
in the middle of the night while i was laying in bed suffocating with how i feel, i thought of the worm...
and thought...ohh i think i get it now.
xo
w
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Morphine
This is the new film directed by sub-stance crush object, Kimberly Kane. Based on true events Kimberly Kane paints a dark picture of a young woman (Audrey Hollander) struggling to leave the dead end life of a prostitute and drug addict to follow her dreams of being a Nashville songwriter in MORPHINE…
to see teaser...
Kimberly Kane talks about her film-inspiring experience working at the Sugar Shack...
Monday, April 28, 2008
Fireworks
I found this amazing circa 1947 Kennith Anger film on youtube. Fireworks Depicts a dream sequence about the brutal rape and torture of Anger himself (as a teenager) by a group of sailors on the street (after trying to pick one of them up).
List for Analysis
PERFORMANCE IDEA: Have a therapist engage me inspired by the following statements:
Why can’t I be honest with myself or with you?
I feel uncomfortable in dresses lately.
I’m not sure what it means to be female.
I like fucking men in the ass with a strap-on.
I like eating pussy.
I am attracted to gay men.
I want the unattainable, but not for too long.
I am the other-other.
I’m not sure if I have ever loved anyone or if I've ever loved myself.
I constantly obsess about my body, intelligence and talent.
I worry so much I have a hard time breathing.
My mind won’t stop bashing me.
I am selfish.
I hate myself.
This is a phase.
I love everyone.
I hate everyone.
I am ambivalent.
Fuck.
I’m afraid to create work you wont like.
I don’t fit.
Do long hair and a dress make me look too much like a straight passive female?
Am I?
How about short hair and pants?
Will they make me look strong?
Am I strong?
Maybe If I dye my hair I can evade white stereotypes, pass as being non-white?
Maybe I need more tattoos or more muscles or a tan?
How am I supposed to look?
These clothes are too coded. My skin too pale.
Take them off.
How am I supposed to love?
Being with anyone stands for too much.
Why the fuck do you want to get married and have kids?
That shit is boring.
It makes me want to write you off, because it kills the you I love.
I’ll congratulate you for perpetuating the hetero norm, cuz you’re my friend.
I need to be alone to go mad.
I need to go mad so badly.
I’m having an identity crisis.
I wanted to crawl inside that girl I loved her so much.
I wanted to eat that guy in a stew I loved him so much.
I squeezed my cat hard I love her so.
Kick me.
Just let it be authentic.
This apathy is killing me.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Epilady
I havn't tried an Epilady since the late 80's. I remember it as a vibrating metal coil that left my adolescent legs bloody and spotted. I hated it. BUT, I'm excited about this new Epilady campaign. My friend/ acquaintance Karis is the new spokesperson. I met Karis when i was doing a video on Lucha Va Voom a few years ago. He's a phenomenal hula hoop performer. And she's one of those people who's graceful sensuality and beauty strikes you before anything else.
In the alternative world of couture, ever quivering for the next glittered teetering diva, trans-celebrity models such as Jeffree Star seem to be all the rage these days. But, this is EPILADY, not Tarina Tarentino. This is a product for the general masses, not the hipster elite. The ad actually does a little bio on Karis, which adresses him playing with gender ambiguity and being a female identified man. I think this is a big deal! They are putting this really dynamic gender representation out there to sell a product, and they are doing it in a way, that doesn't seem to greatly underestimate the viewer's intelligence.
To check out the whole flash ad, click HERE.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
The Doll Underground Release Party
Eon says, "Its okay to play checkers with girls."
Eon McKai & Fig Eden looking forward the next great thing...
Kimberly Kane & Fig
I'm not usually attracted to Blonde's...but KK makes me dream of romantic get-aways, long make-out sessions, laughter and heavy petting. Maybe it's the glasses?
Reagan Maddux & Mandy Morbid
Vena Virago (pornographer & artist) 
Reagan Maddux is back in Los Angeles and is looking healthy and super hot!
Winkytiki nearly killed me with this death choke, then he started doing his west side story dance moves. It's pretty irresistible.
Sexy AVN photographer Gia Jordan!
Mandy Morbid was also in Death & Sportsbras, the short film by Chris Zeischegg. But for some reason i couldn't come up with a cool way to introduce myself to her, so i didn't and now i feel like an asshole.
Zac Sabboth also performed in Death & Sportsbras. I did talk to him for a second about bad makeup and lesbian vampires. He was really nice.
Monday, April 7, 2008
RISE UP!!!
Join The Doll Underground at the Little Cave in Highland Park. Film release party this Wednesday at 9pm. Meet Director Eon McKai and some of the Dolls.
Copy on the DVD reads:
A call for young women to rise up from their homogenized suburban environments and unite against the tyranny of big business. Inspired by the late 60's activist-turned-militant leftist collective, The Weathermen, The Doll Underground are here to wake up our day-dreaming nation from the financial dictatorship that continues to crush it. Lead by Dorn Adorn (Pixie Pearl), these sexually charged revolutionaries take refuge in LA's now entombed Belmont Tunnel. Outfitted in Lolita Gothic uniforms and strapped with home made explosives, the dolls plot to take down The Owners by any means necessary. Sexually explosive and socially conscious, t he doll underground sets a shining example that director Eon McKai has defined the Zeitgeist of ALT Porn.
Fig Eden (that's me) was credited as Producer on this one...and the film was inspired by one of my favorite documentaries (The Weather Underground). So I'm especially excited about this release. Eon is doing his part to make activism sexy again. love him for it!
Death and Sportsbras
I cameoed in this short film by Chirs Zeischegg.
....but that's not my voice, can you tell?
Thursday, April 3, 2008
a hooker for every senator
By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
I want a smart, slutty senator.
I want an effective, confident, sex-positive congressman or woman who, if asked, speaks openly and blamelessly and even happily about her proclivities, with a wink and a smile and maybe a bit of cleavage before Labor Day. Married, single, somewhere in between? Doesn't matter.
And, dare I say it, I want president who not only freely discusses and shrugs off his or her loves and sexual desires and even affairs, but dares to enjoy sex and thrives because of it and makes his behavior a part of his perspective and attitude on life and love and leadership and the general sticky messy beautiful evolution of the human soul. Is that too much to ask?
Let me answer that for you: Oh my sweet baby Jesus with a Hitachi Magic Wand and some leather chaps, you're damn right it is. (more...)
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
What we give is ours forever - Haruko Tanaka at SEA AND SPACE
This Saturday, If you're in Los Angeles, please check out Haruko Tanaka's first solo art exhibit at SEA AND SPACE in Highland Park from 7-10pm. There will be art (photographs and video), wonderful people, good vibes, and some bbq!
Image by Haruko Tanaka©
Haruko Tanaka is interested in cultural heritage and cultural transmission from the ground-up. At Sea and Space in Highland Park this April, come and browse through a continually growing audio library of tongue twisters from around the globe and check out her viewer friendly 'how-to' photographs of everyday actions that have become precious inheritances from people beyond familial lines. Another theme of interest is the language and power of the unspoken, the vast space that exists literally in between our thoughts and our words. Her video of women and men free-associating and her appropriated/found poetry begin to depict the surface of spaces in between memories, sensations, and feelings. We invite you to join in experiencing the show and spirit of What we give is ours forever at Sea and Space.
Haruko Tanaka is a student of Tibetan Buddhism at the Maha Vajra Center in Los Angeles. She received her MFA in Photography and Media Arts from the California Institute of the Arts in 2003 and her BA in Fine Art from the University of Southern California in 1997.
Her visual artwork and films have been shown at such places as the CUE Art Foundation, Lombard Freid Gallery, The Asian American International Film Festival at Asia Society, the Musuem of Modern Art, Rosamund Felsen Gallery, Luckman Fine Art Gallery, Pacific Film Archive, and International Film Festival Rotterdam. She has also collaborated on many events, workshops and durational performance installations at such places as Six Months Crenshaw, Highways, Crazyspace, Sea and Space, High Energy Constructs and South Central Farms.
For more information on Haruko Tanaka's endeavors please visit www.kissoftheworld.net.
Sea and Space Explorations
4755 York Blvd, LA, CA 90042
http://www.seaandspace.org
Gallery is open Sundays 1-5 PM and by appointment.
Tel.: 323-445-4015. email: info@seaandspace.org
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Tree & Space
On Easter Sunday I went to a Spring celebration at Tree & Space. (The director of Sea and Space gallery in Highland Park, planted a tree on a weeded knoll at a nearby college campus..and named the site unofficially, as an extention of the gallery.)
About 15 of us, including a Tibetan Monk, made the short trek from the gallery to Occidental College where we circled around a small freshly planted pine tree overlooking the athletic field. The tree marked an akward hillside without much standing room and was itself....anti-climactic. But what came immediately afterward was nothing short of amazing!
Adam Overton, artist/composer/healer extraordinare and coordinator of Art Spa, brought a small portable record player, 3 records, and a book published in 1975 called Moving Through the Universe in Bare Feet: Ten Circle Dances for Everybody by the Choreographer Deborah Hay. We circled in the shade around the small record player gingerly placed on the dirt, while Adam gave us directions for our first circle dance. We began with Side A of Carol King's Tapestry, Performing our first circle dance to I Feel The Earth Move. Each song had it's own directions, some movements feeling more like meditations, than dance. We ended Side A with You've Got A Friend. By that time we were all standing in a circle holding hands with our eyes closed swaying from side to side. I know, it sounds like we almost started singing Kum Bai Ah...i was totally singing it (on the inside). After Carol King, we moved on to Al Green. Haruko and I had a modern dance/ spiritual revelation while limited to hopping and step-stepping to Al Green, that dance doesn't have to correlate to the beat of the music. Movement and rhythm are two separate things that can be put together at times or juxtaposed like fruit & chocolate. I think we all got hungry from all that dancing and energy sharing. 
Back at the gallery, the BBQ was hot and the lemonade cold. Then began the ArtSpa psychic bazaar, coordinated this time to raise emergency funds to send to a village in Lhasa, Tibet.
I donated what I could and got an amazing psycic reading from the Krystal Krunch.
The Krystal Krunch is a collaboration between: Low dose T Tranny P (aka Loren Hartman) and Gang Asian Tanaka (aka Haruko Tanaka)
The images/ metaphors that came up in the reading were really good. Anais Nin energy but with a shamans fur cape, wearing a kilt walking through mud, being my best under a hat, being a ripe fruit tree full of sex and creative energy, something about language and needing to communicate/ write/ create and let go of the trailer park still making me feel small...
thanks for the beautiful day.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
gardening fun
I love to garden. Really. Nothing makes me feel more at peace than dirty finger nails and the sound of birds chirping. The garden is a metaphor. When I'm happy & healthy, so are my plants. The succulents supple, the veggies abundant. When busy or in a dark place, the garden becomes a neglected jungle. So, clearing that wild growth each spring, gives me a renewed sense of spiritual jouissance. 
I have millions of Decollate Snails in my garden. If you need some let me know. And does anyone have a good organic trick for getting rid of aphids? I've tried organic poisons, marigolds, lady bugs, soap water, & chilli water, without luck. Probably needs more diligence, like catching them before they stage a coup d’état on my veggies.
Last week I hung out with my friend David Burns. Dave shares my love of plants and is one of the founders of the art collective, Fallen Fruit. After going to check out the California Video show at the Getty, Dave & I stopped at the Sunset Blvd Nursery in Silverlake. David is apparently a huge tomato fan and has like 17million tomato plants at home. He bought 1 package of brandywine tomatoes, 1 pack of romas, & 1 pack of basil. He sent me home with half of everything which 'forced' me to work in the garden last week. I can't stand the sight of a wilting baby plant! I finally cleared space, added some nutrients to the soil and planted the little dears in the ground along with a few seeds from my stash. Lots more work to do, to plant the other beds, but im well on the way. Thanks Dave!
Jenny Shimizu
I had no idea who Jenny Shimizu was until today.
Lets travel back in time one week. I'm having lunch with Adriana at Auntie Em's Kitchen in Eagle Rock, as we often do. It's a weekday afternoon, so the place is filled with freelancers, artists and the unemployed, as it usually is...And in walks Jenny Shimizu & her girlfriend, choosing a seat next to us on the back patio. I'm always happy to see queer couples engaging in PDA's, especially in my neighborhood, so I make my best 'you go girls' face, which is probably just a big goofy grin, panged with longing. Adriana kicks me under the table while shooting sharp lasers with her eyes in their direction and whispering "that's Jenny something, she's a celebrity." I don't really care much about celebrity, so I didn't think anymore of it until today. Preparing myself for my first trip to Dinah Shore next weekend, I saw on a related website that Jenny would be a featured celebrity at the event. Foreshadowing...? Hmmm...
Thursday, March 27, 2008
join The Doll Underground
To order the new Vivid Alt film from the imagination of Eon McKai, click HERE
Artwork by Buff Monster
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Black Eye
My mother has always been passionate about being a theatrical actress, and back then, she hadn’t entirely given up on it. So she got a little part in a local production playing some loud obnoxious character who gesticulated a lot. The moment she closed the front door of the house to go to rehearsals, Tom picked me up by the ankles, a hulking form of man with dark hair and eyes and beard, a deranged lumberjack reeking of marijuana. He would swing me by my 4 year old legs in a circle around the living room, sometimes my arm or head smacking into furniture and chachki’s. I screamed and cried for him to stop, and he just laughed. “We’re gonna have fun tonight kiddo.”
I woke up one night to their arguing, and things crashing in the kitchen. I walked in on Tom pushing my mom into the corner of the room, her crying and yelling sounded like murder. He was choking her and she was pushing him away with her leg. And just like that, he punched her in the eye. She was furious he’d done it in front of me this time, her pink satin nighty falling off of her narrow shoulders, light red hair down to her ass rolled into a tussled bun. I had seen her black eyes before, but she always told me it was just makeup for a part she was playing. They didn’t see me at first standing there trembling, until he socked her in the face and I started crying and peeing myself there on the linoleum floor, holding a yellow plastic happy-face cup with two handles and a lid.
Mom and I moved a lot after that, feels like we were always on the run. I was born in San Francisco where we spent days in Golden Gate Park, me having to stop every three feet to say my favorite sentence, “Oh wow, far out!” with the greatest reverence to every blade of grass and every brown bagged glass bottle left about. We moved to Los Angeles in 1982, I was six.
Mom came into my room early one morning after Tom left for work. And I could tell something was wrong. She told me to choose a toy to take with me because we were going on a trip. I scanned the room two feet deep in toys not realizing the implication of my choice. An older woman showed up at the front door looking like Mrs. Roper from Three’s Company, small blond afro and trail of hippie dress coming into the room a second after she did. “Hurry sweetie, we gotta go!” she said snapping her gum loudly in my direction.
I’d never seen my mom so scared and sad and angry. Tom had threatened to kill her and take me away if she left him. She cried when the plane took off, her delicate features flushing deep rose, her hand squeezing mine. She was right there holding me. But she was soo far away.
women & war
Samantha Giron, a Los Angeles based Choreographer and founder of the Samantha Giron Dance Project, invited me to collaborate on a video for her latest piece of choreography called Interrogations. The show, Women And War, includes pieces from choreographers living in LA and San Francisco including: Sri Susilowati, Vox Dance Theater, Mary Armentrout Dance Theater, lean to productions, Rebecca Pappas, & Samantha Giron Dance Project.
The representation of war in our culture is usually focused on men;
men play the centrally-depicted, heroic roles of killing, being
killed, being captured and tortured. Physical bravery is shown as a
male trait. Women and War portrays untold stories of women's
participation in war that contradict these common notions. Women and War includes work about a female soldier, a female prisoner of war, and a fable of a man who became a woman to avoid battle.
The show runs tonight and tommorow. That's March 21-22 at 8:30pm
The show is at Highways Performance Space
@ the 18th Street Arts Center
1651 18th Street Santa Monica, CA 90404
tix going fast: 310 315 1459